CFCC Week 4: Announcing New Policies at Dirty Dawg

by: exRegionalWeenie (September 28)

Major changes are being implemented by Dirty Dawg. It's gonna hurt, but it's for your own good.

Many of your picks seem... well... incoherent. Sometimes they're downright bizarre. This past week, two players used their 15 on Maryland (a 17-point dog at West Virginia!). Sure enough, West Virginia trounced Maryland, 45-6. Do you want another example? Despite the fact that the Mississippi State-Auburn game was supposed to be close (Auburn was a 1 and 1/2-point favorite), some players put a 15 on Auburn and others put a 15 on Mississippi State! Wasting your 15 on essentially a pick 'em game - come on, people! These weak decisions lead to horrifically low scores.

These are just some of the examples that make our heads spin, and quite frankly, make us a little suspicious of you. So, in an effort to bring sanity back to Dirty-Dawg, the Executive Council announces sweeping organizational policy changes. The most significant new policy is drug testing.

Yes, drug testing.

The New CFCC Policy
Effective immediately, you can enter your CFCC picks as usual but you're now required to leave a urine sample next to the keyboard that you used to make your picks. Did you enter your picks while you were away from home using a mobile device? No prob. Just place the urine sample in a sandwich baggy and carry it on your person until we come by to pick it up. We will follow a "No pass, no play" rule and delete your picks if your sample fails the test.

NFL/PFCC Version of the Policy
Urine samples will suffice for the college ranks but we stiffened the requirements for the PFCC. After all, we need to protect Dirty Dawg and The Shield. This is where stool samples come in. Starting with your next set of NFL picks, you need to take a dump have a movement, bag it and then leave it on your front porch. Again, we'll pick up your sample - and this service is free!

Job Openings at Dirty Dawg
Speaking of picking up your samples, we're hiring pilots at Dirty Dawg. Are you a drone pilot? Have you seen a drone video? Did you at least play video games when you were young? If so, please send us your job application. We're looking for seasoned aviators (Drone Certificates preferred) with HAZMAT experience and the ability to discreetly handle sensitive "material."

We apologize for any inconvenience this may cause but the new drug testing policy is for your own good. After all, people are our most valuable resource.

Just like they tell you at work.


Week 4 CFCC Results
Tom Flowers from Toldeo, Ohio, won with 76 points. Reno's David Young and Baton Rouge's Ej Leche were tied for second place with 72 points. Edwin Pate and Joe Baskin were fourth and fifth, respectively.

Joseph Dukesherer of Caledonia, Michigan, moved up one spot into first place in the overall standings. Walter Kolczynski of College Park, Maryland, is just 6 points behind Joseph. The rest of the overall Top 5 include Mike Imgarten, Bill Gargan and Tom Flowers.

Hookem Horns is the leader in Group Play. They have a small lead over The Geriatric Florida Dummies (second place) and Hailraisers (third place).